The series opens with Exodus, in which we are introduced to the ThunderCats . . . and they're all nekkid! Enjoy it while it lasts, boys and girls, this naughty little pleasure only lasts about ten minutes. Okay, first off some wrinkly old guy named Jaga tells Cheetara to go get someone called Lion-O. Lion-O turns out to be a kid about twelve years old with . . . wow, that's some hair! I thought my hair was red, geez. Anyway, Jaga calls Lion-O up to the front of the ship to watch his home planet get blown up. Yeah, that's a good idea, let's give the kid a complex right off the bat. Apparently they didn't have child psychologists back on Thundera. After making poor little Lion-O watch his home explode, Jaga shows him a mystical blade that no one else knew about, called the Sword of Omens. All right, that's kind of cool. Jaga calls in the other ThunderCats and gives them clothes and weapons, saying that they didn't need them back on Thundera, but that they would on thier new home.
While this is happening, the ship is attacked by some ugly characters called Mutants. The Mutants are dead set on taking the Eye of Thundera, which is set in the Sword of Omens, Tygra explains. Wait a minute . . . Jaga just said no one knew about the Sword but him, right? So how do the Mutants know about it? For that matter, how does Tygra know that the Mutants know? Hhmm, loophole. Well, moving on, the Mutants board the ship and Jaga locks Lion-O in the Sword Chamber to makes sure he's safe. Apparently no one cares if the twins die, because they're sent out to fight Mutants with everybody else. (Jaga: We didn't save you from the destruction of Thundera so you could sit around and look cute; get to work, you slackers!) The two major Mutants in this episode, Slithe and Jackalman, make their way to the Sword Chamber. Slithe reveals that not only does he know of the Sword's exsistance, but he's seen it before!
They find Lion-O and Snarf in the Sword Chamber. Lion-O uses the power of the Sword to drive off the Mutants, but the ship is damaged and won't make it to the planet the ThunderCats had chosen; instead they detour to a blue planet third from the sun. The ThunderCats get into stasis pods for the trip, except for Jaga who stays awake to pilot the ship and dies of extreme old age on the way. When he dies, this little stone on his wristband starts to flash, and then he dissolves into some glowy lights, leaving only his clothes behind. Man, cremation techniques sure have come a long way!
As the ship tries to land on Third Earth, one of the engines dies and the ship crashes, scattering stasis pods everywhere. Snarf and Lion-O get out of thier pods. Lion-O is full grown! And damn, he growed up nice! Grrrrowwwl . . . hem, anyway, The Mutants attack, Lion-O remembers who they are and what he has to do. He wakes up the other ThunderCats with the Eye of Thundera and they fight off the Mutants. There are greetings all around and everyone compliments Lion-O on his rescue and his new body. Cheetara tells him how handsome he is now with a certain tone in her voice. What a pervert!
Stoned Kitties say: Cool! These kick-ass cats are off to a great start! Pass the munchies.
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Episode 2. Unholy Alliance
(Leonard Starr)
In this episode, the Mutants are cruising around Third Earth checking out the sights when Mumm-Ra, having been disturbed by all the spaceships falling from the sky, zaps thier ship out of the sky and invites them into the Black Pyramid. Mumm-Ra then reveals that he's known about the Eye of Thundera for a thousand years, back when Third Earth was still First Earth. So . . . unless Mumm-Ra is one of those modern day wackjobs who are getting mummified and building mastabas in thier back yards, this means the show took place around 100 A.D. Hhhmmm. I have to say, neither option is real appealing. Moving on, Mumm-Ra sinks the Mutants' ship so that they have to stay on Third Earth and help him take the Eye of Thundera. The Mutants go to ambush Lion-O and take the Sword from him. This is quickly followed by one of the most hilarious moments in the show. The Eye of Thundera growls, Lion-O calls for Sight Beyond Sight and the Sword shows him the Mutants materializing in the forest. He takes the Sword away from his face and the Mutants are standing two feet in front of him!!! They fight, Lion-O calls the other ThunderCats and the Mutants run. Tygra and Cheetara don't show up, but as they're perfectly fine, apparently they just weren't paying attention. Or were otherwise occupied, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Lion-O goes to look for Tygra and Cheetara and is attacked by Mumm-Ra. He tries to call the other ThunderCats, but the Eye of Thundera has a thin layer of tar over it and won't open (???). Mumm-Ra is finally driven off when he sees his reflection in the Claw Shield. The other ThunderCats show up, having been drawn by the noise, and spout some smarm. Snarf says something whiny and amusing and the episode is over.
Okay, this is an interesting episode. Lion-O and Snarf are out wandering around the forests exploring when they are taken hostage by a group of Robear Berbils. Imagine if 3CPO took a roll in the hay with one of the Ewoks; the result would look like a Robear Berbil. The Berbils decide Snarf and Lion-O aren't dangerous after all and set them free. The Berbils take them back to thier village and offer them delicious fruit to eat.
Meanwhile, back at the ThunderCat's camp, Mumm-Ra makes it rain rocks (???) and buries the ThunderCats' spaceship. Panthro digs them out with his new 'baby', a Thundertank that he built out of parts he scrounged off of the wrecked spaceship. Get used to this piece of hardware; we'll be seeing a lot of it.
Back at the Berbil Village, the Berbils are being attacked by beings called Trollogs who want to raid their fields. The Berbils shoot at them with pea-shooters (literally), but Lion-O steps up and drives them off. The Berbil 'elder', Robear Bill, reveals that the Trollogs only steal fruit so that they can trade for thier own food source with the larger, nastier, Giantors. The Giantors are pissed that thier Berbilfruit supply is gone and come down the mountain to attack. Lion-O calls the other ThunderCats and they defeat the Giantors. Before they can relax, Mumm-Ra turns himself into a swarm of locusts and attacks the Berbils' fields. He then turns into one big locust. Lion-O jumps on it's back to try to drive it away. The locust takes off and flies over an active volcano, dumping Lion-O off over the smoking crater. As Lion-O falls, the Sword of Omens falls out of the Claw Shield. Lion-O reachs for it, but its gone far beyond his grasp. Suddenly Jaga materializes over the Sword and says: "Luke . . . Use the Force, Luke . . ." Oh wait, no, that's not right. He tells Lion-O to call the Sword to his hand. Lion-O does, and the Sword flies out of the volcano with Lion-O clinging to the hilt.
The other ThunderCats had gone back to the camp, apparently totally unconcerned by seeing thier leader ride off on a giant bug. The Berbils come bringing a feast and announce that they're going to help the ThunderCats build thier new home, Cat's Lair.
Stoned Kitties say: Why do Berbils grow so much food when they don't have mouths?
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Episode 4. The Slaves of Castle Plundarr
(Leonard Starr)
In this episode, the kittens discover that the Mutants have enslaved a race of dumb creatures called Brute Men to build Castle Plundarr. The kittens race back to the newly contructed Cat's Lair and tell the other ThunderCats about the Brute Men. The adults can't let this stand, so they smash through the barricade around Castle Plundarr with the Thundertank. Lion-O rushes inside the castle and frees the Brute Men from the dungeon, but the creatures are too dumb to figure out where the door is. You know, if they're that stupid, you'd think evolution would have done away with this lot by now. The Mutants pair off with the other ThunderCats: Cheetara fights Jackalman, Tygra fights Monkian, and Panthro fights Slithe. While the other two defeat thier opponents without breaking a sweat, Panthro fights Slithe to a standstill, then runs into the castle and hides. Slithe then denotates some 'warp gas' in the Brute Men's midst, which turns them mean and they attack Panthro. Panthro is desperately trying not to fight the Brute Men when the warp gas wears off and the dumb creatures mill around aimlessly. Tygra, Cheetara, and Panthro meet quickly and Tygra spews some smarm. The Mutants denote another warp gas grenade on the Brute Men, who charge at Lion-O, who's wandering aimlessly around the battlefield for no apparent reason. He refuses to run from the Brute Men and instead starts swinging the Sword around like a big fan. Somehow, this creates a 'force field' that blows the warp gas back toward the Mutants, turning them into cowards. The Mutants run inside Castle Plundarr and pull the wings shut. You kind of have to see that. The ThunderCats go back to Cat's Lair and spew some more smarm.
Episode 5. Trouble with Time
(Ron Goulart & Julian Gardner)
This episode opens in Castle Plundarr, where Slithe is complaining about the lack of cooks in the castle. He orders Monkian to go out and capture a woman so she can cook for them. Monkian actually calls Slithe a chauvinist under his breath! Who knew the Great White Ape had such respect for the female gender? LOL! Anyway, Slithe yells at Monkian again and the ape goes out to kidnap a woman. He finds a Warrior Maiden fishing in a stream, grabs her and runs off. The woman (who we find out is named Nadya) manages to scream for her sister, Willa, who saves her. The two Amazons discuss the different newcomers and decide they're going to have to get rid of both the Mutants and the ThunderCats.
Meanwhile, the ThunderCats go out searching for thier power source; a mineral called Thundrillium. Tygra gets some readings from a deep cave and starts to go deeper in search of it. As he goes in, he starts to get older and older, eventually ending up at around 90 or 100 years old before he realizes what's happening and tries to go back the way he came. Unfortunately, by this time, he's too weak to go on and collapses in the cave. Lion-O is exploring the jungle while all this is going on and happens to run across Willa, who fell out of a tree while she was spying on him. He saves her from a big bearded dinosaur-thingie and she admits that maybe she misjudged him before she runs off. Lion-O makes a typically male statement about her, then the Eye warns him that Tygra is in danger. The Mutants attack Lion-O while he's trying to reach Tygra and Willa shows up and nails all three of them with some sleep-gas arrows. Lion-O starts to run off without her, but Jaga shows up and tells him not to be an idiot (this seems to be a recurring theme in Jaga's messages). Lion-O asks Willa what can be done. She provides absolutely no help whatsoever, but Lion-O calls Cheetara and has her run into the cave at top speed and get Tygra out before the cave can effect her.
Tygra's out of danger, but he's still ancient, so Willa takes the ThunderCats to the Gyser of Life; basically, it's a fountain of youth. Lion-O and Cheetara distract the winged water snakes (flying cobras) that guard the Gyser and Panthro deposits Tygra in the water, where he is miraculously restored. Now, if there was a Fountain of Youth on Third Earth, you'd think Mumm-Ra would just take a month off and go soak out 1,000 years of hard living. Hhhmm, wonder why he never thought of that.
Stoned Kitties say: Warrior Maidens are naughty!
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Episode 6. Pumm-Ra
(Julian Gardner)
In the beginning of this episode, Tygra and Panthro are scanning the area surrounding Cat's Lair when they pick up Cheetara out of her 'morning jog'. Tygra clocks her mile at 30 seconds. So, that's what; 120 mph? That's pretty friggin' fast, I gotta admit. Anyway, we skip to Cheetara, who suddenly stops running and falls over for no apparent reason. The Mutants pick her up and take her to Mumm-Ra's pyramid, where he says he's going to change shape and sneak into Cat's Lair. Mumm-Ra calls upon the Ancient Spirits of Evil to change him into a throwback-looking, one-eyed, toga-wearing Thunderan called (brace yourselves) Pumm-Ra. Apparently the devil priest isn't too good with coming up with names. I bet all his pets were named: Demon Familiar #1, Demon Familiar #2, etc.
Anywho, Cheetara wakes up on a mountain side by a campfire. Pumm-Ra explains that he barely escaped the destruction of Thundera and that he chased the Mutants off of her after she collapsed. Cheetara takes one look at this guy and just about creams her knickers. Apparently Spots goes for the feral type. She insists that he come back to Cat's Lair with her and meet the rest of the ThunderCats. He does and the others decide that they'll give Pumm-Ra a one week probation before they decide he can stay. It is also revealed that Tygra is the head of the ThunderCat Council. While they are talking about him, Pumm-Ra is coordinating with the Mutants for an attack the next day. That night, while the ThunderCats are sleeping, Pumm-Ra breaks into the Sword Chamber and steals the Sword of Omens. The ThunderCats apparently sealed the chamber using a thousand-year-old ancient Egyptian trick. To Mumm-Ra, this was like guarding Fort Knox by leaving the lights on so people would think there was someone home. The next day, the ThunderCats venture out into the forest, leaving Lion-O and Snarf to guard Cat's Lair. Lion-O is passing the time by playing ring-toss using Snarf's tail. How humiliating. I wonder if they ever tie him up in a sack and beat him just for giggles.
Pumm-Ra reveals that he has the Sword of Omens and tries to use it against Lion-O. Lightning strikes the Sword and fries Pumm-Ra. Jaga appears for a split second and says that the Sword can't be used for evil. Try it and 'face the wrath of Jaga'. Oh, I'm so scared. If I ever try to destroy the ThunderCats, remind me to bring an exorcist. Anyway, Pumm-Ra shuts himself in the Lair and starts zapping at the ThunderCats with the Cat's Eyes. Tygra sneaks in a vent and jumps Pumm-Ra from behind. Lion-O and the others come running in and demand to know who Pumm-Ra really is. Mumm-Ra reveals himself and warns the ThunderCats that he won't stop until they are off his turf. The ThunderCats have thier daily smarm-fest and the episode is over.
Stoned Kitties say: Pumm-Ra?! That's the worst alias we've heard since . . . um . . we forget.
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Episode 7. The Terror of Hammerhand
(Ron Goulart and Julian Gardner)
This episode starts out with Snarf rescuing a baby unicorn from a bunch of nasty-looking pirates. The pirates, called (and I quote) "Berserkers, Berserkers, BERSERKERS!" are hungry and they wanted the little unicorn for lunch. Instead, they end up with Snarf, who they decide is too unnatural to eat. Good call, heheh. They load up Snarf as a pack animal and set off to track down the unicorns.
Lion-O, meanwhile, rescues a different unicorn from a flesh-eating tree. Just after he frees the unicorn, a giant crow swoops down and steals the Sword of Omens. Third Earth must be an interesting place; everything there is toxic, narcotic, or flesh-eating. Kind of like Austrailia. Anyway, the unicorn gives Lion-O a magic ring that teleports him onto the crow's back, where Lion-O wrestles the beast to the ground and gets the Sword back. He stumbles across the Unicorn Keepers in the Unicorn Forest, who threaten to put a spell on him. He manages to persuade them that he means no harm.
Hammerhand, the pirate captain, shows up in the glade and snatches up a baby unicorn. Snarf escapes, Lion-O and Hammerhand fight, then Snarf is recaptured and held hostage. The pirates run back to thier ship with Snarf and the baby unicorn. Lion-O promises the Unicorn Keepers that he'll save thier baby. They notice he's wearing the magic ring that the first unicorn gave them. They say that no other man has ever worn that ring and wish him luck on the journey. You know, that's nice and everything, but maybe they could hand out some magic spells or something to help out? Just a thought.
Lion-O runs to the shore and dives into the water, intent on swimming out to the Berserkers' ship. Half-way there, a whirlpool sucks Lion-O down into the depths. The magic ring starts to glow and the whirlpool miraclulously stops. Snarf and the baby unicorn have managed to free themselves from thier bindings and run onto the deck of the ship. Lion-O boards and fights with the pirates, then all three leap back into the water. The ship's figurehead, a giant skull, starts shooting lasers at Lion-O, Snarf, and the baby unicorn. Lion-O calls the other ThunderCats. Cheetara and Panthro decide to answer. On thier way across the beach, Panthro reveals that he's modified the Thundertank with an amphibious mode. Cheetara asks: 'Is there anything this kitty car can't do?' and Panthro proves he's a fictional character by not getting all huffy about Cheets calling his baby a 'kitty car'. Panthro and Cheetara drive out to the ship, blast the figurehead to pieces and save Lion-O, Snarf, and the baby unicorn. Hooray! Lion-O takes the unicorn back to it's mother and gives the mother unicorn the ring she gave to him before. Lion-O delivers the moral of the show and it's over.
Stoned Kitties say: We don't want to sound fruity, but we think unicorns are kickass!
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Episode 8. The Tower of Traps
(Leonard Starr)
This episode begins with WileyKit and WileyKat out mapping the area. They hear the sounds of a fight and go to investigate. They find a group of winged monsters robbing an old Wollo man. The twins fight the monsters, but they run off with the Wollo's bag. Talking to the Wollo the twins find out that the monsters are in the employ of Robber Baron Carnor, who's Tower is nearby. The Wollo also mentions that the thieves got his daughter's wedding present; a gold bracelet with two hearts intertwined on it. WileyKit and WileyKat follow the thieves to Baron Carnor's Tower. They find lock on the front door rusted shut. Kat tries to force the lock open while Kit looks for another way in. Kit comes back from her fruitless search only to find that her brother has disappeared without a trace.
Meanwhile, in a different part of the forest, Lion-O is taking a swim (Nice chest, but what happened to his nipples?). In between trying to drown Snarf and spouting smarm, the Eye of Thundera warns him that there's a ThunderCat in danger. Using Sight Beyond Sight, Lion-O sees WileyKit wandering around the base of the Tower, calling for her brother. Throwing on his clothes (*sigh*), he rushes to her aid. Together, they retrace WileyKat's steps and fall through the same trap door he did.
Standing at the basement of the Tower, they call for WileyKat, who yells back that he's trapped in a cage at the top of the Tower. WileyKit and Lion-O start to make their way up the Tower. The first obstacle is a set of trick stairs that they finally get over by using the Sword of Omens as a pole-vault. Once they get up to the landing, they're forcibly seperated by a portcullis. Lion-O heads one way, Kit heads another. They make their way through a maze of booby traps including giant octopi, collapsing bridges over molten lava, pits of acid, hidden lasers, and net carpets. Lion-O and Kit meet up again at the top of the Tower, where they free Kat. He says that he hasn't seen anyone since his imprisonment. Lion-O, pissed at being subjected to all those traps, goes through a door that leads to Baron Carnor's chambers. Inside, they find a desicated corpse that is all that's left of the Baron. Puzzled, they try to figure out what happened to the thieves. While they're thinking, a gold bracelet with two hearts intertwined falls from a crack in the ceiling. They crawl up onto the roof and find the place full of stone gargoyles. WileyKit wonders out loud where the thieves couldhave gone to (Oh come on! Blind people see this one coming!). Suddenly, the gargoyles come to life and attack them. Lion-O and the kittens fight them for a minute or two before calling the other ThunderCats. The others show up and smash the rest of the gargoyles, with Lion-O and the kittens breaking the last one by. . . . okay, the kittens throw out some pellets that turn into butterflies made of light, which fly all around the gargoyle, and then Lion-O reflects some light off of the Sword's blade, and this somehow causes the gargoyle to shatter. Wha . . . ? Anyway, on the way back to the Lair, the 'Cats pass the Wollo wedding and Kit gives the bride the bracelet. Aaawww . . .
Stoned Kitties say: Everybody knows that light butterflies are the mortal enemies of gargoyles everywhere. They cause the gargoyles to shatter because they're so . . . um . . . sparkly.
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Episode 9. The Garden of Delights
(Barney Cohen and Julian Gardner)
This episode opens with Third Earth being shaken by a series of earthquakes. Tygra goes out to investigate and is pulled underground by a huge yellow worm. He runs up against some Mole Men, who think he's causing the earthquakes, but breaks free of them when the worm makes another appearance. Tygra follows the slime trail and runs into a garden underground habitated by a cute stalk of corn named Silky. Silky offers him some fruit. Tygra takes a few bites and starts tripping out on a fanastic scale. First he grows flowers from all over his body and then he starts flying. Groooovy . . . Tygra asks for more fruit and Silky reveals him/herself to be none other than Mumm-Ra. Hey, he actually thought of a different name this time! I suppose Corn-Ra the EverDealing would have sounded a little suspicious.
Tygra wanders back to Cats Lair stoned out of his gourd, narrowly avoiding being run over by the Thundertank in the process. That night, he goes into withdrawl (sweats, nightmares, hallucinations) and steals the Sword of Omens to give to Mumm-Ra in exchange for more fruit. Mumm-Ra can't use the Sword, since he's just so damned evil, but he tricks Willa into using the Sword. Willa looks through the crossbars and the dirty fink of a Sword imediately squeals on Tygra. Willa lies and tells Mumm-Ra she saw herself as Queen of Third Earth and plays along with him. Mumm-Ra then lets Tygra out of his sarcoughagus and sends him back to the Lair. On a side note, seeing Tygra crawl of Mumm-Ra's sleeping area, crooning: "Silky . . " was probably one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen on a cartoon. I'll be sleeping with the lights on for weeks.
Anyway, the Warrior Maidens surround Cats' Lair and take Tygra (stoned and babbling about pretty colors) and Panthro hostage and lock up Panthro, Lion-O, and Cheetara in the Lair. Tygra is back with Mumm-Ra and Willa. Tygra tricks Mumm-Ra into trying to kill Lion-O and only pretends to eat his allowance of silky fruit. Willa sees this, but doesn't say anything about it. Lion-O is brought out to be executed, Willa throws him the Sword, the other ThunderCats break free, the kittens show up with everybody's weapons and the ThunderCats win the day again! Back at the Lair, Tygra apologizes for his behavior. The others tell him that it's okay; it wasn't really him doing those things. I bet they still made him go to rehab.
Stoned Kitties say: Best episode yet! Tygra's the Man! He just needs to remember Rule #1: Always know your dealer!
